I feel like a "TEA BAG" !!!

Why me? Why always me? The only thing that resembles my current situation so closely is a "TEA BAG". A bag which carries the real flavour and aroma inside its bosom, but ends up being boiled to death and squeezed till the last drop of blood is squeezed out of it. The "TEA BAG" does not endure these things instead rejoices in being an instrument of refreshment for its master. Its master sips its extracts, gets refreshed and throws it out as if nothing happened. The fatigue vanishes, the depression vanishes, the sorrows disappear and so does the "TEA BAG" from the life of its master. The "TEA BAG" is stunned. It asks its master, "I've always been there for you whenever you were sad, frustrated, depressed, in despair or in dilemma. In fact I was born to serve you. What is my importance in YOUR life?". The master replies, "You have a permanent place in my life! I can never forget you. You've have always been there with me when I needed you. In fact, I owe my life to you. I am alive because in my difficult times, you gave me the strength to live.". The "TEA BAG" smiles and looks around but cannot find its master anywhere close despite his assurance of the deep bond he has with it. It finds itself lonely buried under a dump of filth and stinking garbage. The "TEA BAG" is shattered. It wants a shoulder to cry, an ear to listen, a hand to caress and a heart to kiss. It has lost its way in the wilderness of selfishness, false promises and superficial care of its master. So finally, it sits and writes this post in it's long forgotten blog. A realization dawns in the life of the "TEA BAG". It realizes that it is alone and doomed to death. Its dream to be 'the apple' of its master's eyes is nothing but a dream.

The "TEA BAG" sits back, squeezes its arms around, lying numb in the darkness of the filthy trash can just waiting for the scavenger to pick it up.

Straight From My Heart

I wrote this poem when I was all alone in life after my LOVE left me saying that she did not deserve an unfaithful person like me.

It was during these solitary moments of my life that heard the presence of my friend speaking to me aloud, offering me peace and serenity. The poem is a reflection of my innerself and reveals the turbulence in my life.

LET YOUR JUDGEMENT FALL

Tossed by thoughts, wrecked by love
No where to go, no where to sleep
Serenity was far, peace buried down deep

Many came...stopped...passed by
But none could hear my deep cry
The groaning and moaning of my heart
Which was gradually tearing me apart

You came...stopped...didn’t walk away
But not a single word did you say
Your deafening silence spoke to me
I am here! To set you free!
From the craving for love
From the longing for peace
Thus releasing the fragrance of cool breeze
On this furnace-like heart
That knew no joy; that knew no ease

Not a moment did it take to realise
You are the one! I can pay any price...
To be with you, to be your friend,
To cherish a relationship that would know no end
Love, trust and peace would it blend
And soothe my heart that needs a mend

Moments flew away, hours whisked by
I could hear the diminishing pain in my cry
You spoke nothing, but just stood by

While I was fighting the turbulent race
Truth struck me violently on my face
Love knows no colour, no religion, no race
Said Truth to me with a smiling face
Melted away these words my hesitation
Finally has come the joy of liberation
An assurance of true friend in you did it give
Came at last in me – the desire to live

“How do I begin?” to myself I asked
Because my life, I’ve always hidden and masked
But here I was with the courage to speak
To unveil my true self to a stranger I met last week
The true self that I was unaware of, myself
But with the hope of getting some help
To untangle the mysteries of my life
To cut the knots of complexities with piercing knife

The day came...
I walked to you, poured out my heart
Surprise might have thrown you apart
The embarrassment you tried to hide from me
Captured by thoughts to hide and flee
To flee from my presence
As my words to you, made really no sense
But bearing with me, you walked my way
I would do something that I would not say
I would say something that I would not do
Which shook your mind saying, “He’s not true!!!”

Tortured and killed were your thoughts by me
Leaving you wondering, “Who can this be?”
Testing my uncertainty did you start
You tested and tried me in bits and parts
I failed the test and to say the best
My life is in your hands and I rest...

...Waiting in silence for your JUDGEMENT to fall

“You are my true friend”
OR
“Dumbest of all !”

A Conversation that changed my outlook

The most embarrassing moment for a Techie

When it comes to anything related to computers, whether software, networking, Linux, or hacking, people around me think I have it all....today I realised how mistaken they are!!! I spend hours sitting in front of my machines, connected in network, replicating a corporate environment, trying to locate any possible security loopholes and finding methods to harden the network from any type of threat. My trainees look up to me for any technical resolution or career guidance. Yesterday night I was working on my laptop when suddenly the touchpad stopped working. Being a techie, I first checked if there was any problem in any of the services or the conf files. Tried all the possible stuff I could do to find out if there was any misconfiuration but all in vain. I rebooted my lappy to get into Windows XP of Bill Baba. Bill Baba's Windows also did not respond to my finger movements on the touchpad. I thought my lappy's touchpad has gone bad and I was furious. It has been less than a month since I have bought this laptop. I called up the Tech Support immediately and introduced myself as an extremely techsavvy guy and explained my issue with all the hi-fi things that I had tried to resolve this issue. The Tech Support Representative humbly asked me to press Fn+F7. With all my arrogance, ego and years of experience & research, I told him that it was a some manufacturing defect in the laptop and pressing any key would not help (though I had not tried it before). After a long argument, finally the Tech Support Representative convinced me to press the Fn+F7 key and he promised that if it did not work, he would get the laptop replaced. To my embarrassment, IT WORKED!!! How do I tell the guy on the other side that my logic had failed. How do I admit that the mind which could think about corporate security, could not think of pressing two simple keys on the keypad to resolve a simple issue like this. I can confidently say that this was definitely the most embarrassing moment of my life.

Fragility of Emotions

I have always been an object of mockery amongst friend because of my appearance. I have won a plethora of titles from all around me ... ... ... ... black panther, swine, macaque, baboon, tiddu, kallu, bhains, hippo, rhino & the list is endless ... ... ... ... Some wonder that despite these incessant mockery sessions Rajiv is undeterred and never reacts harshly. There have been instances when the ones involved in ridiculing and humiliating me are suddenly struck by a fit of understanding and sensibility. Out of the blue, they start making others involved (in the same act which they were involved in a while ago) realise that they are crossing all confines.

All this appears to be an obvious outcome of apathy. My apathy is because of the fragility of my emotions. I want all around me to be cheerful, content and blissful. When I am the victim, all around me seem to have a blissful time, contented with laughter and cheering each other for their innovative one-liners and titles showered on me generously. When the act of my victimization seems to have such numinous effect on people around me, what better privilege can God present to me but be a victim willfully! People fail to understand that my victimization works towards my advantage. It nurtures the human within me, making him realise and envisage more clearly the motive of my existence ... spread love, serve selflessly and speak out of the overflow of emotions.